I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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