very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There r osticjed everywhere
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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