...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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