Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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