tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
