Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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