is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
