my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
