Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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