This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
