I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
