I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cut my penus on the lid.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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