I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
love makes seman taste better
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
