Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
