Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
