she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
