Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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