WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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