I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
