God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
