I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
