I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
