the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
