We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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