Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
