Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I love you. Go after that dick
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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