dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
