my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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