dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
