the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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