yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
