i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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