i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
