Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
