Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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