bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
