you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
