hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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