I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wear drunk well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
