your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
