i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
