She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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