dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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