I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
