he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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