Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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