When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
