Even the bartender felt bad for me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
