Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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