i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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