Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
