just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
