Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
