I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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