you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
