found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
