Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
