I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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