I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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