Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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