Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
