i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
