She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
