As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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