I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
