I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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