I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
