You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
