cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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