you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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