I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
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I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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